Friday, April 24, 2009

The New Rules for Interrogating Terrorists

Time: Right now- today.
Place: CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.
Participants: A senior CIA Agent and a captured terrorist.

AGENT: Good morning, Mr. Ali. I hope you slept well, had breakfast served in accordance with Islamic dietary laws, took a shower, changed into fresh clothes, had time to read your Koran and have completed your morning prayers?

TERRORIST: Yes, infidel pig. Thanks to Allah, the merciful.

AGENT: Good, then we can start this session which will be conducted under the new Obama Administration rules. Is that OK with you?

TERRORIST: If we must.

AGENT: Mr. Ali we in America are nice people who favor civil rights for all and have disavowed any form of questioning that would make you feel anxious, stressed and threatened. So, I will ask you once nicely, do you have any information on any impending attacks on the US and if so, would you please tell me now?

TERRORIST: None, infidel vermin. May Allah strike you dead.

AGENT: Gee whiz, Mr. Ali. Can't you see that I'm a nice guy and simply want to be your friend. So, let me ask you again- -even more nicely than before- -is there another 911 style attack planned against the US? And if so, where, when and how?

TERRORIST:Listen you dumb pile of camel crap. There will NEVER be another 911 style attack against the US. We don't need that to topple your decadent culture. We will use your institutions like the ACLU and the naivete of your liberals and progressives to destroy you from the inside out!! And now, enough, I'm feeling threatened and tortured by your harsh method of interrogation.

AGENT: OK, well I guess that does it for today. Your lawyer and doctor are here. We'll pick this up again tomorrow after I check with the NY Times Editorial Board, Senator Leahy and the ACLU to be sure I don't violate your rights. Sorry for inconveniencing you, Mr. Ali.

TERRORIST: Can someone change the HDTV channel in my cell from FOX to MSNBC? It's among my "rights" you know.

3 comments:

Christopher said...

It's sad! I hope the American people wake up before too much damage is done. Barry is beginning to make Jimmy Carter look good. Don't get me started on Nancy Pelosi.

What happened to Common Sense?

Katsnip said...

Well said, O Sage of Tampa, and, I fear, more truth than fiction.

peteralan326 said...

And here I thought that there were only a few of us that had any real intelligence left in this country. I saw all this and more from the very beginning and it is refreshing to know that I am not the only one. I belong to a group called EON's that led me to your blog, and I will bookmark it as I find it interesting, but just as futile and frustrating as all the other recognition of this is presented by others. My only question is, if we are so smart, how did such a snake get elected. Who were the millions of stupid idiots that were blinded by being morons that voted for him....